Sunday, June 12, 2005


new items: Jewelry

One of the new things, for those who choose a mystical moon sign, is jewelry. I am trying to get the list done, but it will take a while. I will speculate that the different gems focus on different elements (Myst, Musc, Mox)

RINGS - seem to divide power among the elements.
EARRING - focuses on the gem's element, and add to the coordinating base stat
NECKLACE - Same deal, focus on gem's element then add to offense/special (muscle = melee damage)
BRACELETS - Add to base gem's element stat, then special effect

Baconstone - element: Mystical

Baconstone Ring - Myst 5, Muscle 3, Moxie 2
Baconstone Pendant - Myst 4, spell damage +10
Baconstone Earring - Myst 5, Max MP 10
Baconstone Bracelet - Myst 2, reduce MP needed for skills by 1 (stacks to max of three for all added effects)

Hamethyst - element: Muscle

Hamethyst Ring - Muscle 5, Myst 2, Moxie 3
Hamethyst Necklace - Muscle 4, Melee 5
Hamethyst Earring - Muscle 5, HP Max 10
Hamethyst Bracelet - Muscle 3, 3x critical hit

Porquois - element: Moxie (unconfirmed)

Porquois Ring - Moxie 5, Myst 3, Muscle 2
Porqoius Necklace - Moxie 4, 10% meat from monsters
Porquois Earring - Moxie 5, ?
Porquois Bracelet - Moxie 2, never fumble

If you have information on these, please send me a message in game: Roguekillerbee or #272866.



New Areas: Moon Sign Ascenders

There are new areas for those who ascend and choose moonsigns. I recommend choosing them. There are different TYPES and FUNCTIONS. Type relates to Myst, Muscle and Moxie, and will tell you which place you will need to go. The Functions are widely unknown, so far, but I've a couple guesses, which I will post at a later time. For now here is what to expect for the new areas:

Choosing a Muscle Moon Sign:

This will open degrassi knoll as your secret base of operations. This is found in the Nearby Plains. Here you will find:

  • The Plunger - Combines things for free, sweet! more meat fo me
  • The Bakery - Food
  • The Gym - Muscle Gym
  • General Store - Remember all those gears :) yup, a one stop car-part shop
  • Mayor Zapruder - sends you on tasks
  • Innabox - Smiths items for ya, fer free
  • Mushroom Fields (5000 meat to buy a field to grow mushrooms?) not there yet

Choosing a Mysitcality Sign:

This will open Little Canada, right outside of Seaside Town. Here you have:

  • The Institute for Canadian Studies - Mysticality Gym
  • The Canadia Jewelers - Making jewelry (new smithing type added to game)
  • Chez Snootee - food
  • Super Secret Canadian Mind Control Device - control levels of animals?
  • Outskirts of Camp Logging Camp - early adventuring
  • Camp Logging Camp - must have 30 Myst to adventure here

**I chose the MARMOT for my moon sign, and I randomly got a ten-leaf clover in a set-scene adventure (one where you don't fight).**

Choosing a Moxie Moon Sign:

So far all I know is that you are supposed to have the Gnomish Gnomads Tents. I, like the idiot I am, sent Jick a message asking if there was a bug since the other once were already available to other characters. HE's not responded, because indeed, it is not yet available. The Gnomads are on the Beach. We all remember that you need the car to get to the beach ... right? Get the Car, get the Beach, get the Gnomads. Got it.

I definitely suspect that the PACKRAT gets you more drops for items (since I kept my volleyball, but I was still getting above average drops in the spooky forest).

I suspect the BLENDER gets you more adventures for your drinking.

The other probably does something with your meat drops or your first-strike.

Good luck

Rogue Killer Bee

Getting to the Sorceress's Chamber

try Kslayer's Kingdom of Loathing Spoilers

For the door thing, find the one that's telling the truth. They give five sets of three digits. I usually just use the consistent one ...

Once beyond the door you need the mirror shard.

Then it's time to pick the right familiar.


Ascension - so far

So I've ascended with my familiar. There is a bunch of strange stuff.

Contemplate the Infinite
I did this for 10 rounds or so. You play battle ship, do some adventuring (I was back in the haunted pantry again), toss around a ball of infinity, and play mind games with a spork.

Chat with your Ancestors
You talk to, er, your ancestors. In particular you speak with a King, an incredibly great grandpa, and a surly father. Gramma is pissed btw ...

Playing Cards with Famous Dead
These are MUCH funnier, I'll let you check em out :)

Eat Something
Again pretty funny. Just remember you are in a place of the gods, so it's polite to stop in and have a few ...

The Valhalladay Inn
You find out you are needed back in the kingdom. Click on After-After-Life-Al's.

This is where you choose your reincarnation. Fun stuff huh? I recommend finding out what skills are available in what different forms of ascension. There are two types of ascension: hardcore and normal.

Hardcore ascension: Only skills earned in hardcore mode will transfer to a hardcore ascension. The very first ascension is from a normal path. Therefore, your skills will not 'transfer' for your use. Thus, you won't get any skills carried over to hardcore ascension your first time. You also will not be able to recieve any items.
I'm not sure your normal skills will transfer on, but I would guess that when you go normal again they will.

I've heard rumors about the signs. I highly recommend you choose a sign, since it seems that they were added on purpose. Perhaps they help with sub statdays or something

Path: These are pretty obvious.

Normal - can eat and drink
Boozetafarian - Booze only, no food
Teetotaler - Food only, no booze
Oxygenarian - no food or drink fo you

I'm ascending :)

Beating the Naughty Sorceress

I ascended my Turtle Tamer on June 12. This post is SPOILERIFIC.
Naughty Sorceress and Kingdom of Loathing, or KOL (KoL).

What to Wear?
There are a few theories you can consider, mostly dealing with the 'garb' you wear:

1. star garb - plus 7 all stats
2. furry suit - GREATLY diminishes your moxie

After failing 123845720389457 times with the star garb, I tried the furry suit and beat her with no problems.

Furry suit = wolf mask + furry pants.

I still had the star bluckler on, boris's ring and badass belt.

If you are a moxie character you may need to consider the Star Garb, but I have to admit, she was way easier with the furry suit for some reason. Just a thought.

Carry the Wand of Nagamar. It's special and likes you :)

Levatiting Potato
Ghost Pickle on a Stick or
EMO also seems to be a really good option

I used to Ghost Pickle because you get damage and tripping.

Use your strongest special ability. If you, for some reason, don't have a special ability, you could be in serious trouble. Even with a level 22 tt I could not beat her using normal weapons. Believe me, I tried. Anyways, you need to have the Wand equipped to beat her ultimately.

Red pixel potions, now that scrolls and houses don't work in battle.

What? She dies three times?
Um, yeah. Use your 'manuoevers' in the first phase. She becomes the gross thing from one of the Final Fantasies after that. Continue to use manuoevers. The last phase took care of its self for me.

When she's the dead
You click on this thing to the right of her tower. You hear the king speak. Go to your inventory and unequip everything, including familiar stuff, then go back and go through the hole thinging. Make sure you are ready to move on, including choosing the familiar you want to go with you (I think it retains its level).

Ascension details to come.


Wednesday, April 20, 2005



Clans have their positives and negatives. If you are an active player, clans are a must. If you only want to come on every now and then, clans are probably not going to be a high priority on your list of things to participate with in the kingdom.

What to look for:

  1. Clans do different things. Before you join try to find a member in Chat. Clans show in people's profile. Talk to them. See what they like to do. Some clans like to make things to sell for meat -- like drinks, chowmeins etc etc. This is good for someone who wants to get meat or likes the clan buffs. These clans usually require farming from their members.

  2. Clan warfare. Some clans like to participate in clan warfare. This costs meat. Meat comes from members. If you are at a lower level this may put a 'strain' on you, but people seem to grow through it without a problem. Just note that your meat reserves will not grow very quickly. Also, make sure that only one or two people administer the clan funds and warfare activities; from experience, having several people try to 'help' is catastrophic.

  3. Clans get bonuses. Clans can buy different things that help you. Meat Trees, for one, give each member 500 meat a day so long as you have 50K in the clan funds. Calendars give adventures per day, and Gyms allow you to adventure in a particular stat after you are drunk.

  4. Clan Funds. Be very careful when 'donating' to clan funds. You cannot get this meat back. Once in, it's gone. Just be careful.

  5. Donating Stuff and Karma. This is an interesting system. Usually you have to donate stuff to get different things out. This is a great thing for newbies because they can advance their weaponry and outfits really quickly. Thus helping with adventuring and not having to return to the campground all the time. In any event, when you donate things you get 'karma'. Karma is based on the meat value of the stuff you donate. A good way to create Karma is to take things out and make/combine things and re-donate. This will create karma so you can take other things out later. You may also get karma for meat donations.

  6. Clan Raiders. Please DO NOT RAID THE CLANS. Some people will join clans that don't use Karma, they then take the stuff in the clan stash. this is a really dick thing to do, and can result in banning, reset or reduction of your entire inventory. Don't do it. It's stupid, it causes everyone a ton of problems, and you will be black listed. That's right, black listed. They have a list circulating that contains all known raiders. "Raiding is bad, m'kay!"

Have fun


Sunday, April 17, 2005


The Ten-Leaf-Clover

Ten-Leaf-Clovers or TLC are necessary for many things in the game. You can get it by adventuring at the Shore (whatever the muscle one is).

The Hermit. You will need to go to the Hermit. If you can't get to the valley yet, don't you will need a pass. A pass is a one time deal. Get one at the Market in Seaside Town (the same place you buy E-Z oven).

While you are at the market. Buy some chewinggum on a string. You will need a couple of these, maybe 5 - 10. They are pretty cheap, so pick some up. If you can get to the mall, buy them there for about 10 meat each.

In the Market you will see the SEWER. You want to adventure here. You can only adventure here when you have chewinggum on a string. You will get random stuff, spices, disco ball, seal tooth, and worthless trinkets, geenaws, and knicknacks etc.

Take your pass and the 'worthless' articles to the Mountain. You may notice, once in the mountain,that the 'Hermitage' shows up on the right hand side. Click to enter. The Hermit list will Show. Take note of the list, but dont' trade anything yet. Sometimes the Hermit does not have ten-leaf clovers. It depends on the day. If not, just go adventure until tomorrow.

Once you run out of trinkets the hermit will send you packing.

Now this next part is spoilerific. You have to GO places to use your TLC when you start. I do NOT recommend adventuring with TLC's. Store them in your colossal closet if you want to adventure.

Casino (with pass) Man from the River (zelda dude) - Big Rock
Spooky Forest - Lucky Charms
Orcish Frat - Drinking Tickets
Kitchen - Grab Bag
Outskirts - Goblin Uber Pants
Haiku Dungeon - Bling-Bling

Happy hunting


Thursday, April 14, 2005



This biggest mistake I made when I was starting off is eating everything I could find. I'd eat stalks of asparagus and tomatoes, mushrooms of different varieties etc. etc. In truth, if I'd saved all that crap I'd have made a nice bundle when I got to level 5 and could buy a place in the mall. Stalks of Aspargus btw run anywhere from 5 - 12K meat depending on the week. Scary huh? I ate them like that were nothing special. I wondered why they tasted so 'meaty'.

Making Pizza. PIzza is probably the best thing for a newbie to live off of. Now, this will sound strange, do not make mushroom pizza. Mushrooms alone are worth 3 - 5K meat. Save them. Sausage pizza should be your food staple for months.

What you'll need:

  1. Chef-in-the-box

  2. Wad of dough (Kitchen, Farnsworthy Tower)

  3. Tomatoe (Kitchen, Haunted Pantry)

Cook 2 and 3. This will make a plain pizza. Great, these will give you a few adventures per pizza. HOwever, you can get bonus stats and a higher adventure/pizza when you add other things.

  1. plain pizza

  2. knob sausage (kitchen) or

  3. goat cheese (goatlet) or

  4. knob mushroom (kitchen)

These will give you sausage pizza and goat cheese pizza. Sausage gives Muscle stat points and Cheese gives Moxie stat points. Mushrooms give Mysticality points, but like I said DO NOT USE THE MUSHROOMS. they serve you much better as selling items later, or cooking items if you are a pastamancer.

Good luck


Monday, April 11, 2005


Musings on Loathing, Kingdom of

I didn't actually get to play my turns today. AT least, not on all my characters. I played both my moxy characters because it was stat day. Again.

Farming. Farming is the process of deliberately targeting a certain item. This usually involves adventuring repeatedly in a particular area. When you farm, typically you do not worry about stats or meat. Different character types will farm in different areas. PAstamancers will typically farm in knobs kitchens, whereas a turtle tamer may farm at the ICY Peak.

They've messed with the drop rates. This sucks for things you have to get from monsters. Now it's more important than ever if you Farm to wear the proper gear, have the right castings, and use a Fairy.

The Gravy Fairy. Since this is so essential, I thought I'd put in here how to grow a fairy. The Gravy Fairy 'dances' at the END of a battle (not per turn), encouraging monsters to drop more. This is probably near 7 - 10% increase at the final size (25lbs with eye-pod). The Haiku Dungeon is where you will get Fairy Gravy. This is not exactly a common event, but you should be able to get some in 25 - 50 turns. You will need a knob mushroom from the Knob Kitchens. 'Cook' the gravy and the mushroom. You will get a pregnant mushroom in your miscellaneous inventory. Go to the Market and buy an Incubator, if you do not have one already. CLick 'USE', and you get the fairy. You can usually buy fairies at the flea market or mall for 5K.

The familiar accessory: EYE-POD. A familiar accessory adds weight to your familiar. ADding weight intensifies the abilities of your familiar. The general accessory is the lead necklace. This adds 3 pounds to your familiar. Your familiar will also have a specific accessory. This will add 5 lbs. YOu can only have one familiar accessory at a time. You get accessories at the colleseum, by competing. This is easy so long as you know what to go up agains. Hide and seak, I think, is the best for the fairy. Try going up against something loud like the bee. I think the potato is the best at hide and seek, but I can never remember.I usually just try them out till I get one. The monkey and pirate suck at hide and seek.

Since reducing drops you should really wear ring of the aggrevate, if you can, when farming to increase the levels, and thus the drops.

Good luck


Saturday, April 09, 2005


Bartender in the Box

We did Chef's Yesterday.

You'll need:

6 meat paste

1 nothing in the box

1 brainy skull

to start, You can find the recipe's for these items here.

Now, you'll need to get:

2 beer lenses

1 cocktail crafting kit


beer lens + beer lens

This gives you beer goggles. Combine these with the brainy skull. This gives a bartender skull. Combine bartender skull with nothing-in-the-box and get a bartender-skull-in-the-box. Combine with the cocktail crafting kit. You get a bartender-in-the-box (BITB).

GO to your inventory and click on miscellaneous. 'use' the bartender-in-the-box and he will move in. Now you can make cocktails for free :)

WARNING: BITB explode just like CITB.

NOTE: I usually buy beer lenses because there are is only one other, unpleasant, way to get them. You must route out all the Rats from the Typical Tavern. After you've done this, takes from 50 - 100 adv, you can return. Adventuring here usually gets you drunk. You CANNOT adventure after you are drunk without losing meat and your sanity. However, this is the only place to get beer lenses, so if you don't want ot buy you have to adventure at the Typical Tavern.

Boos: you can find beer in several places around the Kingdom: Degrassi, Orcish Frathouse, Chat, Typical (maybe the Menagery level 3). You can also get foties (orcish frat)and imp ale (deep friar's)around the Kingdom. HArd alcohol, the best for mixing can be found as follows:

Whiskey - Goatlet, Menagery 3
Gin - Palindome, Menagery 3, Orcish Frat
Rum - Menagery 3(?), Obligatory Pirates Cove
Vodka - Menagery 3, Orcish Frat
Tequila - ( I actually can't confirm location, but I would guess Menagery 3).
Boxwine - Whitie's

Mixers: These are all over, and I think I should address them in a separate post at a later time. I will add a link here when I post.

For those at a higher level, hard alcohol is usually cheap at the mall ( 700 - 900/ bottle). If you have a TPS (tiny plastic sword) or other mixers I recommend buying and saving your adventures, unless you are bored.

When adventuring for booze it is MOST helpful to have a gravy fairy, equipped with eye-pod, pref. a cast of empathy and fat loot, and 3 rings of agrevate. This is particularly the case now taht drops are less common, as of 8 April 2005.

Good luck


Friday, April 08, 2005



There are tons of things to CREATE in the Kingdom. Creation comes in three or four flavors: combine, cook, smith, or mix(shake). You need different things for each. Today I'll cover cooking.

Cooking requires an E-Z bake oven. You can purchase this at the Market. The Market is in seaside town. Click the Market icon in the lower right corner, then the Market entry is the bottom center icon in the Market screen. The E-Z oven is 1000 Meat.

Buy an E-Z. You can now use the 'cook' option in your inventory window. Cook allows you to combine cooking ingredients. The more you put together, typically the better stats and effects you get. However, only a Pastamancer may make chow meins. I suggest you stick to pizza for the simplicity, availability of materials, etc. until you can afford to buy chow meins.

I'll cover the types of foods in another post. What you will notice is that cooking costs adventures. Since you only get about 40 a day, you want to limit using them unefficiently. So, we make Chef-In-the-Box

You will need:

  1. 6 meat paste

  2. smart skull

  3. disembodied brain

  4. chef's hat

  5. box

  6. spring

  7. E-zbake oven

Combine 2 and 3, which gives brainy skull. Take brainy skull and combine with 4. This is a chef's skull. Combine 5 and 6 to get nothing-in-the-box. Combine chef's skull to nothing-in-the-box to get chef's-skull-in-the-box (csitb). Combine csitb with E-z bake. This will give you a Chef-in-the-box.

You may notice you do not have the 'cook' option. Go to your inventory and click on miscellaneous. Scrool to the Chef-in-thebox and click 'use'. The chef moves in and you can cook fo free!

Just remember, the chef explodes after an indefinite number of turns. This usually ranges from 80 - 110 'cooking'. So if you 'cook' 70 tomatoes with 70 wads of dough chances are good that it will explode. There is no way to avoid the catastrophe. Not that when it DOES explode you get some interesting things. Sometimes you will get stuff like your chef's hat back. Usually the skulls and brains break. They are increasingly scarce, so I usually farm for them in one long sitting to get some stock.

If you don't see the 'combine' option for the above you need to make Meat Paste. to make meat past go to your misc. menu under inventory. scroll to the bottom. Make paste. I recommend just making a huge chunk. Do not make stacks unless you need them, they are useless otherwise.

HAppy gaming.